- Remember Mallory? She still exists. Her chapter opens with her lamenting about how all the stuff she overheard in her chapter a hundred years ago hasn’t panned out for her in any way. I’d be lamenting that your ten year old brothers have a better sub-plot than you, but to each their own, I guess.
- Apparently Mallory hasn’t even SEEN the stowaway, Alexandra or “Spider from the Insects” at all since the first day, however for some reason she knows every word Mary Anne and Alexandra have exchanged. Maybe just follow Mary Anne around?
- At the Magic Kingdom Mallory asks to go off by herself after lunch exclusively so she can write about people in her stupid spying notebook. You’re at the freaking Magic Kingdom, Mallory! You father is never taking his kids anywhere that is not the Jersey Shore ever again, so I suggest you take full advantage of this, not jot down notes about kids crying in their strollers. Spoiler alert, you’re going to be writing that a LOT.
- Mallory starts to get tired of writing about kids crying (I tried to warn her) and decides to just hang around in lines overhearing conversations instead. Why don’t you actually go on a ride, Mallory, instead of just “hanging around” them? There’s a lot of “hanging around” in lines while you wait to get on the rides anyway, I mean, this is before Fastpass. I have very vivid memories of waiting in line for Splash Mountain for 2 1/2 hours in the beating Florida sun.
- But omg, then she spots Alexandra! She’s with a younger boy and an older couple. Hmm… They get on line for Peter Pan’s Flight, so Mallory gets on line behind them, even though she went on it already that morning. Once in a lifetime trips are such a drag, amIright?
- So guess what everyone!!!! Omgomg, from super obvious context clues in the conversation she overhears from being right up their asses, Mallory learns that the boy and older couple are Alexandra’s brother and parents. So she’s a big dirty liar! Scandalous!
- It gets more sensational. Another older couple in line start to fawn over Alex’s parents – turns out they’re some famous husband and wife singing duo. So why are they waiting on a line like chumps? You know they have VIP tour guides, right? If they were really that famous they’d know better.
- Mallory can’t wait to see Mary Anne and tell her everything she’s learned about Alexandra. I’m glad this is what excites you when you’re at Disney World, Mallory. Maybe in the future you should just get dropped off at the mall and hide behind some plants for a good time, because you clearly don’t deserve Disney World.
- Speaking of Mary Anne, it’s her turn. I swear to god if she gets stuck watching all the boys again it better feature a long paragraph of her demanding a pay raise.
- After an exhausting day at Disney World, Mary Anne attempts to paw through her suitcase for painkillers in the precious few minutes before her club meeting. She doesn’t have much luck because Mallory won’t stop harassing her to talk privately. The Pikes gave her and Stacey a whole hour and a half of badly needed time off, so she promises Mal they’ll talk before bed. God, let the poor girl have a moment to herself! Not everybody got to wander around at their leisure all day writing down crap snippets in a notebook I’m still deeply praying somebody finds. Mary Anne’s way more patient than I could have been. You’re probably missing some great conversation about shuffleboard strategy on the poop deck right now, Mallory. Go crouch in a plant somewhere.
- Mary Anne is impressed that Dawn, Claudia and Kristy’s room doesn’t look like “the back end of a garbage truck” like their cabin on the ship did. Was their cabin infested with flies? Rotten bananas peels everywhere? An unbearable stench? I think your simile was a little over the top.
- Claudia’s all, what’s wrong? And Mary Anne points out that they’re baby-sitting “crossly”. That’s probably as bitchy as Mary Anne ever gets. Again, she’s much nicer than I would have been. Do you want to watch five active preteen boys for ten hours, Claudia? No? Then shut it.
- Speaking of Claudia, she’s still fawning all over the mini-bar, pining for the Mounds bar she sees in the back. I bet you some day metabolism catches up with that girl.
- Kristy harasses them all for gift ideas, but no one can come up with anything better than cement planters (Jesus, Dawn), Mickey Mouse keychains or clothes. Not that Kristy has any ideas of her own, of course. That’s why she has minions.
- They put on a movie and Mary Anne passes out, awakening to Stacey sadly informing her that their break is over. Mary Anne returns to her room where she learns all about Alex from Mal, and she’s pretty pissed that she would lie about being an orphan. Well, pissed for Mary Anne anyway, so, probably like mildly irritated.
- Mary Anne tells herself she’s going to confront Alex if she runs into her, which sounds more like something the New Mary Anne would do, but whatever. Sure enough, they cross paths at breakfast the next day and the first words out of Mary Anne’s mouth are “You…are…a…liar.” Geez. Maybe this is how all the pent up rage of being forever chasing prepubescent boys around on this trip is coming out.
- This time Mary Anne gets Margo and Claire, and Alex starts following them around, looking to apologize. She follows them on Snow White, the carousel and to get ice cream, ignoring Alex all the way.
- Mary Anne drags the girls onto Space Mountain, and afterwards Alex finally catches up to them. What happens now? Teary apologies and hugs all around? Um, nope. Instead Margo plus roller coaster equals puking all over Alex and her probably very fancy outfit that involves a skimpy bikini top. And Mary Anne is happy. Very happy.
Lauren likes to write, which is why she has this website. She also enjoys genealogy, video games, Broadway musicals, things of the 90's and singing. She lives in New York with her husband and daughter.
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