- Mary Anne starts her chapter with her and Mallory tag teaming Vanessa to get her shoes laced up faster. Mary Anne should consider herself lucky she gets to bunk with the eleven and nine year olds – Stacey got stuck with the five and seven year old who pukes if you look at her funny. Meanwhile no one is bunking with the boy children. That room’s going to end up on fire. Even Mary Anne is side eyeing that arrangement, but figures since the boys’ room adjoins their parents’, it can’t be too bad. I mean the rooms have fire extinguishers, right?
- The Pikes also said the older kids can basically do whatever the hell they want. You’re going to let ten year old triplet boys run wild around a cruise ship? Prepare to be that family everyone hates, Pikes. Also you now have two baby-sitters to basically watch four kids? Couldn’t you do that yourselves? And don’t most cruises have some kind of kid program/baby-sitting anyway? Whatever, I see how it is, squeezing every last penny from that company, Mr. Pike. Is that the same one that fires you later? I wonder why.
- Mary Anne takes Nicky exploring, forcing Vanessa (who wanted to read – shame on you for wanting to expand your brain!) to come along. They start at the bottom of the ship and work their way up.
- In the beauty salon, Mary Anne stares at another girl’s boobs. “Even though she looked just a little bit older than me, she had a figure that filled out the top of the bikini nicely.” Her name is Alexandra Carmody, which sounds like the heroine in some supermarket romance, and she’s traveling alone. So she’s what, sixteen and she’s traveling alone? She starts to say “It’s bad enough my parents got ki–” and then gets interrupted. Mary Anne assumes that she was about to say her parents had been killed, and cannot possibly think of another word that starts with “ki” and makes sense. Uh, how about KIdnapped? Not like that’s much better, but it’s something!
- Mary Anne is disappointed that the casino is adults only. She itching to put some of that baby-sitting cash on red?
- There is a kid’s area on the ship! So why are none of these many children in it?! Think things through, parents! I know it’s the 80’s, but I know brochures existed!
- On the top deck they see somebody jump out of a tarp covered life boat. The kids chase the stowaway, but he gets away. Seems like there are a bunch of crazy characters on this ship. Are they on an episode of The Love Boat?
- A Mallory chapter. In the last chapter all she wanted to do was stare at the ocean. Oh god, why is Mallory getting her own chapter?
- Mallory has recently read Harriet the Spy and wants to be just like her, by writing down things about people in her notebook. Although Mallory acknowledges that practice didn’t turn out so hot for Harriet, she wants to do it anyway.
- While doing her spying thing, Mallory spots Alexandra and also notes how tiny her bikini is. How skimpy is this thing that everyone feels the need to comment on it? A guy talks to Alexandra and she tells him she “lives down here” and makes movies. Mallory can’t write this crap down fast enough.
- Then she sees a sad old man. I knew this chapter would suck.
- Next Kristy and Claudia come by, and Mallory keeps her head down so they won’t bother her. Like anyone would want to. Kristy is already bitching about Dawn picking up after her. Omg, it’s been thirty five pages in a two hundred and twenty four page book.
- She goes to spy on the luxury cabins and sees a boy named Marc in a wheelchair with his parents, several oxygen tanks and meds that have to be refrigerated. As long as Mallory can write it all down in her spying notebook, she doesn’t really care about Marc or whatever’s ailing him.
- Then she sees a guy she’s convinced is a musician from one of her favorite bands (Spider from the Insects). He’s missing the same tooth Spider is famous for, plus he’s got red hair. You really think he’d book a tour group cruise where you go to the Bahamas the Disney World? One that has a bunch of ten year old brats running around free? I assume your taste in music is not that obscure, so this guy is probably a millionaire. He can afford better than something your family got for free.
- Then she sees the same stowaway her siblings did, popping out of a huge pile of coiled rope this time. A huge pile of coiled rope? Are they on the Titanic?
- This is about all Mallory’s brain can take. Mine too. You lived up to my lack of expectations, Mallory.
Lauren likes to write, which is why she has this website. She also enjoys genealogy, video games, Broadway musicals, things of the 90's and singing. She lives in New York with her husband and daughter.